Marriage secrets every woman should know
Marriage secrets every
woman should know
You can have the marriage that you have
always dreamed of!
always dreamed of!
Whether your marriage is currently the best
it has ever been, or it is in need of repair, the
Ethridges suggest that these principles will
improve your relationship. Even for troubled
marriages, it will take work, but it is possible
to breathe new life into a relationship that
has grown listless.
it has ever been, or it is in need of repair, the
Ethridges suggest that these principles will
improve your relationship. Even for troubled
marriages, it will take work, but it is possible
to breathe new life into a relationship that
has grown listless.
Often, when the flames of love are growing
dim at home women tend to blame their husbands
for becoming cold and distant. Perhaps, says
author and counselor Shannon Ethridge, women
share part of the blame when their husbands
pull away from them emotionally.
dim at home women tend to blame their husbands
for becoming cold and distant. Perhaps, says
author and counselor Shannon Ethridge, women
share part of the blame when their husbands
pull away from them emotionally.
Sometimes, she says, it is the women’s attitudes
or behaviors that have caused the men to become
frigid. It is not that love has died between them;
it is just that the husband has shut down emotionally
because of how his wife treats him.
or behaviors that have caused the men to become
frigid. It is not that love has died between them;
it is just that the husband has shut down emotionally
because of how his wife treats him.
In their new book, Every women marriage.,
Shannon and her husband Greg discuss the common
problems that cause husbands to grow cold in a marriage.
Recognizing these patterns can help wives figure
out what steps to take to reignite the passion in
their relationship.
Shannon and her husband Greg discuss the common
problems that cause husbands to grow cold in a marriage.
Recognizing these patterns can help wives figure
out what steps to take to reignite the passion in
their relationship.
Secret 1: Your husband cannot meet
all of your emotional needs.
Many times, the authors say, a husband will pull
away from his wife because she puts too many
demands on him to meet all of her needs. When he
can’t possibly meet her expectations, he feels like
a failure and distances himself from her.
away from his wife because she puts too many
demands on him to meet all of her needs. When he
can’t possibly meet her expectations, he feels like
a failure and distances himself from her.
Shannon and Greg, who have been married
for 16 years, experienced this in their own
marriage. After seven years of marriage,
Shannon was extremely unhappy.
for 16 years, experienced this in their own
marriage. After seven years of marriage,
Shannon was extremely unhappy.
“It makes me shudder to think back to that season,
” Shannon says, “because I was honestly thinking
of leaving him and my two very young children.”
” Shannon says, “because I was honestly thinking
of leaving him and my two very young children.”
The couple had reached their breaking point when
Shannon one day proclaimed to Greg, “You just
don’t meet my emotional needs!”
Shannon one day proclaimed to Greg, “You just
don’t meet my emotional needs!”
His reply? “Shannon, you have a Grand Canyon of
emotional needs and even if every man in Dallas
lined up outside your doorstep, it wouldn’t be enough.
Until you look to God to satisfy your emotional
needs there’s nothing that I or any other man on the
planet can do to satisfy you.”
emotional needs and even if every man in Dallas
lined up outside your doorstep, it wouldn’t be enough.
Until you look to God to satisfy your emotional
needs there’s nothing that I or any other man on the
planet can do to satisfy you.”
His response may seem harsh, but it was exactly
what Shannon needed to hear. As is often the case
in marriages, she was placing a huge burden on her
husband. Too many times, she says, women expect
their husbands to first figure out what all of their
needs are, and then meet them on their own.
what Shannon needed to hear. As is often the case
in marriages, she was placing a huge burden on her
husband. Too many times, she says, women expect
their husbands to first figure out what all of their
needs are, and then meet them on their own.
“Every man on the planet will cave under that
pressure,” Shannon says. “No human being
can do that for another human being. That’s
something only God can do for us.”
pressure,” Shannon says. “No human being
can do that for another human being. That’s
something only God can do for us.”
Through the help of a counselor, Shannon
was able to find healing for past hurts and
learn how to let God meet her emotional
needs. She encourages other women to do
the same.
was able to find healing for past hurts and
learn how to let God meet her emotional
needs. She encourages other women to do
the same.
Secret 2: Your husband has
emotional needs that are just
as important as your own needs.
It is also important, the couple says, to
realize that women are not the only ones
with emotional needs. Men have many
important needs as well.
realize that women are not the only ones
with emotional needs. Men have many
important needs as well.
Often, when women feel that their husbands
are not meeting their needs, they can become
hurtful and unkind toward him. This
approach makes most husbands pull away
because they do not feel respected, a
significant emotional need for men.
are not meeting their needs, they can become
hurtful and unkind toward him. This
approach makes most husbands pull away
because they do not feel respected, a
significant emotional need for men.
“For me it didn’t take too many negative,
spiteful words thrown into a conversation
that would start to freeze me up” Greg says.
“It would start to send me to my little
quiet place where I stopped communicating.”
spiteful words thrown into a conversation
that would start to freeze me up” Greg says.
“It would start to send me to my little
quiet place where I stopped communicating.”
Women need to realize, Shannon says,
that if they were to speak to their best
friends they way they often speak to their
husbands, they wouldn’t have those friends
for very long. This was one source of the
contention in her own marriage, she says.
that if they were to speak to their best
friends they way they often speak to their
husbands, they wouldn’t have those friends
for very long. This was one source of the
contention in her own marriage, she says.
“At work and even with my kids I tried
to speak so nice and so kind,” Shannon
says. “Yet, with my husband, somehow
I expected him to be exempt from that
need and just be the target of my wrath.
That wasn’t fair.”
to speak so nice and so kind,” Shannon
says. “Yet, with my husband, somehow
I expected him to be exempt from that
need and just be the target of my wrath.
That wasn’t fair.”
Another need that men have, she says,
may surprise many women. Greater than
their need for respect, or even for sex,
is their need to see their wives be happy.
may surprise many women. Greater than
their need for respect, or even for sex,
is their need to see their wives be happy.
“It’s important for women to realize that
for a man to be in a marriage where his
wife isn’t happy, that has to be the most
crushing thing in the world,” Shannon says.
“He feels like he is the source of her happiness.
When she’s not happy, then he must be failing.
I think that we owe it to our men to
figure out what makes us happy.”
for a man to be in a marriage where his
wife isn’t happy, that has to be the most
crushing thing in the world,” Shannon says.
“He feels like he is the source of her happiness.
When she’s not happy, then he must be failing.
I think that we owe it to our men to
figure out what makes us happy.”
Secret 3: Your husband was designed
by God to be the leader of your family.
Another problem in many marriages, Shannon
says, is that women have usurped their
husband’s role as the family’s leader.
Scripture teaches that the husband is the spiritual
head of the home, but our culture often takes a
different view.
says, is that women have usurped their
husband’s role as the family’s leader.
Scripture teaches that the husband is the spiritual
head of the home, but our culture often takes a
different view.
The Ethridges cite a popular television program
as an illustration of this way of thinking.
as an illustration of this way of thinking.
“Our favorite sitcom to watch together is
Everybody Loves Raymond because it’s so
funny,” Shannon says. “But there’s a prime
example where Patricia Heaton knows
everything and Ray Romano knows nothing.
It is very disrespectful to men most of the time.
It characterizes men in such a way that women
feel they’re superior.”
Everybody Loves Raymond because it’s so
funny,” Shannon says. “But there’s a prime
example where Patricia Heaton knows
everything and Ray Romano knows nothing.
It is very disrespectful to men most of the time.
It characterizes men in such a way that women
feel they’re superior.”
It’s an idea that many women, even Christians, have
bought into. The Ethridges say many women have
contacted them asking similar questions.
bought into. The Ethridges say many women have
contacted them asking similar questions.
“Why do I feel so superior to him?""Why do I feel as if I can hear from God better
than he can?""Why do I feel as if I know what’s right when
it comes to the kids, the house, or the finances?”
"Over and over they realize, ‘I try to wear the pants in
the family,’” Shannon says.
the family,’” Shannon says.
She says after she and Greg recognized this pattern in
their own relationship, they discovered that many couples
share the same dynamic in their marriages.
Taking a step back and letting their men lead the family
takes humility, Shannon says, but it
is one step that greatly improved her marriage.
their own relationship, they discovered that many couples
share the same dynamic in their marriages.
Taking a step back and letting their men lead the family
takes humility, Shannon says, but it
is one step that greatly improved her marriage.
Secret 4: Most men truly want to make
their marriages work.
One thing that the Ethridges say they learned in
writing the book is that men are often more committed
to their marriages that women believe.
The culture would lead women to believe that men
do not care about their marriages.
writing the book is that men are often more committed
to their marriages that women believe.
The culture would lead women to believe that men
do not care about their marriages.
In many cases, this idea just isn’t true. In fact, the
authors heard from many men who expressed a desire
to do whatever it took to save their marriage.
authors heard from many men who expressed a desire
to do whatever it took to save their marriage.
“I think most men, by nature, are very committed
to marriage,” Shannon says. “They want to make
their wives happy. They want to keep
their family together. They want to do the
right thing. I think that it’s up to women to set a
healthier emotional climate in the home to
inspire him to remain that committed.”
to marriage,” Shannon says. “They want to make
their wives happy. They want to keep
their family together. They want to do the
right thing. I think that it’s up to women to set a
healthier emotional climate in the home to
inspire him to remain that committed.”
For too long, she says, our society has painted
men as the bad guys in marriage.
men as the bad guys in marriage.
“It’s as if the past few decades the idea has been
that women aren’t happy in marriage and it’s the
man’s fault,” Shannon says. “I think that we
have sent them into that corner by our actions
and our attitudes, and we have to recognize what
we’re doing wrong.”
that women aren’t happy in marriage and it’s the
man’s fault,” Shannon says. “I think that we
have sent them into that corner by our actions
and our attitudes, and we have to recognize what
we’re doing wrong.”
However, their book isn’t meant to be taken as a
condemnation of women, but rather as a guide to
help women better understand their husbands and
their needs.
condemnation of women, but rather as a guide to
help women better understand their husbands and
their needs.
Shannon and Greg say they have put these
principles to work in their own marriage and have
seen drastic results over the years. By sharing their
insights, they hope to help other couples experience
positive change as well.
principles to work in their own marriage and have
seen drastic results over the years. By sharing their
insights, they hope to help other couples experience
positive change as well.
The bottom line:
When both spouses are working together to help
the other feel loved, there is no limit to how close
the two can be.
the other feel loved, there is no limit to how close
the two can be.
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